Dust off your grillin’ tools and head down to your local butcher because baby it’s cookout time. Guy Fieri, patron saint of grillin’ and chillin’, has blessed us with a Spotify playlist of songs he loves to cook to and, baby, what a list! The playlist of 71 cornfed party songs features everyone from Dolly Parton to Kid Rock to Loretta Lynn to Toby Keith, which is to say it’s pretty good but has some room for improvement.
I’m not hating on Guy—I love Mr. Fieri very much and will always respect what he does. But some of the songs on here are by people who are, how do you say it? Lame as hell and have no business ever being associated with something like a cookout that remains a sacred tradition in all cultural spheres. For example! Hank Jr. is the same guy who called Obama a Muslim who hates farmers and the military. It’s hard to see how being Muslim (which Obama isn’t and even if he was, who gives a shit) means you hate the military and farming, but okay! Sure, dude. Hank also compared Obama playing golf with John Boehner to Hitler playing golf with Benjamin Netanyahu, which, again, in retrospect, seems a little dramatic and not really the vibe I’d want at my cookout. I’d probably replace his songs with a few Garth Brooks (who is sadly not on Spotify. RIP GhostTunes!) bangers like “Friends in Low Places” or, hell, Doug Sahm. If you’re going to embrace southern rock, might as well just go all the way, you know?
I saw you at Stagecoach, Guy Fieri. I know you have good taste. Where’s the Brothers Osborne? Where’s the Miranda Lambert? The Tanya Tucker? The Reba? The Shania? Hell, let’s get some of the Texas Gentlemen on here! I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but I am telling you that you’re sorely missing out on a hell of a vibe. As a wise philosopher once said: There are a lot of carrots in this stew.
Annalise Domenighini is going to bump the hell out of this playlist, because life is complicated and nuanced. She’s on Twitter. Please don’t ask her about Charlie Daniels.